And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
