ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
