I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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