Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
