Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
