Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
