Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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