Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
