I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
