This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize