I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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