Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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