Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
