make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
