Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize