i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
