You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
