So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
