I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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