I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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