Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
