did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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