haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I could fuck to npr.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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