Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Holy shit dude........stairs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
