FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
