dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
