so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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