Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
