508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
