Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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