I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You're like the curious george of whores
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
