3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
