he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
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Do I have a choice?
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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