Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
