the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
