i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
