so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize