I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A bitchslap is in order.
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