God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
