she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
