he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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