My hair reeks of homosexuality.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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