I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
