i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
