Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
