We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
