guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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