So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
