areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
