if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
