I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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