oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
