so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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