Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
