My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
