i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize