have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
