What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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