Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
