I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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