She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
