She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
