He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
