Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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