I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize