Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
