i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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