im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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