1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
two words...techno handjob
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
