My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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