Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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