He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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