My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
they need to just BURY HIM!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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