Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
