I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
