why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
