So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize