She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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