the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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