I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
