I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's blow job season.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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