Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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