Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
