I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
