Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
