Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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