I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
