So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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