Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
