I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
