so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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