I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
