You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
