Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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