I wish I only lived at night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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