you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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