Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
