our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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