I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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