Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you will always have a special place in my vag
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
