i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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