I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
