dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
