i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
