My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
it was like eating out sand paper
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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